SHERLOCK THESE ARE NOT THE WORST THINGS ABOUT LIVING WITH YOU
#we will never be short of body parts #i do not approve of using the kitchen for something as silly as food #my brother will probably kidnap you every so often #our flat will be searched for drugs occasionally #the rent will fluctuate depending on bullet holes explosion damage or acid corrosion #also you will never be allowed any other friends
#none of your property is sacred #personal space is a non-issue #all your money are belong to me #you are expected not to leave the house unless following after myself #starving is always a possibility #as is ingesting toxins by mistake #insults will be issued on a regular basis #oh and don’t mind that smell it’s just Mrs Hudson in the flat below — she does enjoy her soothers…
#you will have to cook and do the washing up and even my laundry #and apologize to everyone on my behalf because i’m a twat #the violin-playing will be dismal and out of tune and not actually have any semblance to music#also it will be played at random times like four in the morning #you might be taken hostage or hurt every so often #and oh #you will have to do the shopping of course #don’t forget the milk
#You’ll be expected to come when I call #A bit like a dog actually #But a dog that understands text messages… #Actually speaking of text messages: you’ll be expected to send my texts when I am too lazy to do so myself and this includes times when you are half way across London and have to run all the way back #Also you’ll have to ignore your doctor’s instincts because I don’t take shit from anyone and I’ll neglect food and load up on excessive amounts of nicotine patches and punch sleep in it’s metaphorical face if I want to because I can and there’s nothing you can do about it #My brother will stop by more regularly than pleasurable and probably victimize you with insults you won’t even understand until three days later #Which I may also do at times #You’ll be doing all of the house keeping because our landlady is in fact not a housekeeper and I can’t be bothered to do anything about that but make bigger messes so good luck with that #The bills and all manner of unpleasant business will be your responsibility #Including dealing with Anderson after I tell him off #And you’ll inevitably have to deal with the fact that people are going to assume that I not only dominate all of your time and effort in every day life but also you in the bedroom #They’re going to call you gay John #Very very gay
^^^^^^^^^
(via sketchlyful)
